I have had some struggles here, big and small. I won't go into details but one of them was hearing Gods voice. Starting all over is hard, believe it or not. It's hard to just leave your past behind and start a new life and set a new perspective for yourself. Its hard to break old habits, but it is possible and I'm on that journey now.

Getting here, I was ready to receive, transform my life and serve but I was struggling with vulnerability. Unconsciously, I think I was just afraid to put all my walls down and accept Gods calling for my life. I spoke to a few friends about it and one was feeling the same way I did. Back at home it was somewhat easier for me to be vulnerable to God. I don't know why. Maybe it was the type of relationship I had with Him. I called myself a Christian. I went to church, God would touch my heart but I would eventually go back to my old ways. It was always a struggle for me and I knew that wasn't how it's supposed to be. I was now in denial. I wanted this transformation but I wasn't completely ready to let go of my past.

 I prayed with my friends about this one night and God gave me a word. 1 Peter 5:6-11 says, "Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, The God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever."

My devotionals for that night were so direct. I had to choose to let go of my past and move forward if I wanted blessing in my life. I had to let go of all my worries and flickering emotions; let go of my fear and accept each day as it comes. It was time to let these walls down. God is the same yesterday, today and forever! The same God I felt back home was here with me now, I just needed to let him in and give my life over completely.  I was blown away really... I went outside and noticed the blood moon and all the stars were brighter than ever. It was a good night (:

The next morning I woke up feeling pretty refreshed. It was time for yard work again and I was ready to tackle this thing without hating my life in the process. First thing we needed was some music and good vibes so we just decided to have a little fun with it. It was the first time I actually appreciated  and had fun doing this! Crazy... I found myself thanking God for this humbling opportunity we all have here. 

That night we had worship again and crazy things happened. First, my walls totally came down, I felt this amazing peace and so did another friend who was going through the same thing. He went on stage and just shared his heart with everyone. Its crazy because everything he said was exactly how I was feeling. Everyone in the DTS program took a love language test earlier that week. It basically scored you based on how you best receive love. I scored the highest on quality time and acts of service. My friend spoke about the different ways God shows his love to us. He had mentioned that the time of worship we were having that night, was the quality time we needed with God. The wind was blowing so hard through the tin and just feeling that was the closest thing to a hug we had ever felt from Him.

One of our team members also got healing that night! My friend Jess just felt like God was calling her to do something she had never done before so she went up to another team member to pray healing over him. He had a hard time walking because of foot problems but after some prayer he was completely healed! It was pretty amazing (:

The reason I chose the word love for these last two posts is because thats all I've felt here. Gods love pouring down on me, refreshing my soul.

He has given me so many chances and I've failed so many times. It's just incredible to me that after that, He still shows his grace and love for me, even through others. He has shown me love through the homeless, through the children, through friendships, through yard work and through his creation. The list goes on and on but I see Him transforming me already and its only been three weeks!

 I went on a hike with part of the group and it was so wonderful! The journey is the hardest part but once you arrive you realize why you did it. It reminded me of the journey I'm on now. I will have struggles and it will be hard at times but it'll be worth it. God has bigger and better plans for me and He is waiting for me at the end ready to pour out all His love onto me. I've only felt a glimpse of that and the work he's done in me. I can't imagine or wait to see what else is in store for me and everyone here.